Monday, October 3, 2011

The EX Factor

Tonight as I was watching the show Dancing with the Stars, I noticed Courtney Cox there watching her ex David Arquette. She was cheering him on and looking super supportive. It got me thinking about people like Bruce and Demi and other famous celebrities who are able to be friends with their ex's. Is this just a celebrity thing or do I just hear more about them? Maybe it is because they have children together? So it begs the question in my mind, Are people able to be friend's with their ex's?? For me, this is a hard one. I can only think of one former relationship that I have had in which I was able to remain friends with the person. However, the friendship, due to our past relationship, has had some rocky moments and much like our relationship was has been on and off again and again. I recall an experience back in college when I tried to remain friends with a guy I dated. I think the problem was that I still had feelings for him so when he asked for my address to send me something, I was deeply excited to see what he was sending me. It came a few days later in the form of a wedding invitation. I was crushed. I forced myself to go to the reception because that is what friend's do. I hated it the whole time. It didn't help that his grandma, who I adored, told me it should be me marrying him. Shortly after that awkward moment, he came over totally clueless and in my mind at the time heartless, and asked me to dance. I declined and needless to say we never spoke again after that. I can think of countless experiences like this one in which people try to be friends with those they have been in a relationship with and either there is too many hurt feelings, too much trust broken, or one is most certainly still in love with the other thus making it impossible to "just be friends".
I haven't done this very well in my life even though there are many I would have liked to have been friends with. It's just too hard for me. I am too sensitive and literally wear my heart on my sleeve. When I fall for them, I fall completely giving the relationship absolutely everything I can. When it doesn't work out, I am left hurt and usually with lots of "more than friends" feelings for that person. I just think it is hard to dial a relationship back when it has been at that high of a level. I know people do it though.
Like I said, I have been able to maintain one friendship out of a former relationship and I think he gets to take all the credit for that. He has put up with a lot of emotions from me and yet has chosen to still be a part of my life. There are moments when he will laugh or say something and feel that ping in my chest, but then it passes and I am glad that we can try and be friends. It's a work in progress I guess. I assume many people work at it for the sake of their children. While others, it just seems to come so naturally. I wonder how many of you have been able to maintain a friendship with an ex and how you did it? Is it really possible in some situations?

No comments:

Post a Comment