Thursday, October 27, 2011

Why they gotta be so mean???

There exists this powerful way for people to express themselves. It is a way for us to laugh, to cry, and to just plain escape. It is the phenomenon known as YouTube. People can make a lot of money through YouTube and for many people it becomes a career. My family is proof of this. Many people may or may not have heard of ShayCarl or the Shaytards. Well I know them well. Shay is my first cousin and our family has always been a close one. We are one of those families that when we get together for our family parties we all have a good time and everyone competes for who is the funniest. Shay started just making funny little videos about himself and his family and put them up on YouTube. Little did he know it would become a business to support his family and become a very lucritive one at that. I am so proud of him and the whole family and love watching their videos. I mostly enjoy watching the videos that have the kids in them. When Shay and his wife were living in Logan for a time, I use to have the privilege of babysitting their oldest child, Sontard, when he was a baby. I love seeing him grow up and becoming quite the ladies man as well as good dancer. It is fun to keep up with the family this way since most of them have moved to California now. I am so excited for all of them. Shay's brother Casey, sister Carlie, and brother Logan all have their own channels now too. Their wives are also starting one with Carlie about the "mom's view". I am so happy for them.
What I have a hard time with though is reading some of the comments people leave about the videos. I finally told myself I wouldn't read anymore the other night when I read some of the mean things people say. I just don't understand why people have to be so mean! Seriously if you don't like the videos, don't watch them. Such a cliche, but I will say it anyway, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Seriously, leave your comments to yourself. Then it will make me less likely to want to punch you in the face. I am fiercely protective of my family and will always defend them against the "haters" or "meanies" if need be. I know a lot of people think that if you open up your life to the world you have to be able to handle what they say about it, but I just don't think it's right to be mean, degrading, or inappropriate. I think if people are willing to share their lives in this type of setting we should be positive or just silent. So you crazy inappropriate people leave my family alone or I will hunt you down and punch you in the face! There now I feel better :)
That being said, they do have a lot of fans and people that are positive and supportive. I do enjoy reading the positive comments. Especially when it comes to my cousin, Carlie. We have both been through some similiar heartbreak with our marriages and it is always nice to see her succeed and feel good about herself again. It gives me hope. I appreciate all those who support them and those of you who haven't yet heard of them. Check em out. Tell me what you think, but please remember to be positive or don't say anything at all :)

Links to their YouTube channels:

Jeez you think they have enough channels yet?? :) Love my little tard family! 

Sunday, October 23, 2011


This fall I started watching the show, Revenge, on ABC on Wednesday nights. It's on after all my comedies I love so much. I enjoy it and think it is a really well written show, but it is an interesting concept and always leaves me thinking and pondering about things. For any of you who don't know about it, it is about a woman who returns to The Hampton's where she lived when she was a small child with the plan to exact revenge on those who betrayed her father. He was wrongly convicted of a crime and betrayed by people he trusted. The daughter is taken away from him and he dies in prison. She returns, years later as an adult, to make those people pay. The need for revenge consumes her. This is the part that seems to leave me thinking. Can revenge really bring you happiness or that peace of mind you have always been seeking? I don't think so. I have never really been a vengeful kind of person and have never wanted to make people pay for hurting me or those around me. That isn't to say that I am not going to tell you if I think you are in the wrong or I don't lose my temper with those people because I do. We all do. But the idea of purposely trying to hurt someone else or ruin their life, I just don't get it. It just seems crazy to me. I guess I am not sure what drives someone to revenge. Is it hurt, betrayal, sadness, guilt, or just sheer pleasure? I do believe that guilt can be a big reason for many though. Some can't face their own mistakes or problems so they feel the need to take it out on others. This week on the show there was a quote at the end that I found interesting. The daughter is speaking about guilt and she says this:
"Guilt is a powerful affliction. You can try to turn your back on it, but that's when it sneaks up behind you and eats you alive. Some people struggle to understand their own guilt, unwilling or unable to justify the part they play in it. Others run away from their guilt shedding their conscience until there's no conscience left at all. But I run toward my guilt, I feed off of it, I need it. For me guilt is one of the few lanterns that still light my way."
That is a powerful statement and in this case it appears that the guilt that the daughter couldn't do more for her father all those years ago is what drives her revenge. I guess there has to be something that drives it. I will admit that I have had times in my life when I have thought "man I can't wait until karma comes around and bites that person" or I think "I want to be there and watch what happens on the day they are judged for what they have done", but I don't believe that is me seeking revenge. I think we all have thoughts like that sometimes when our natural feeling is that we want to see someone have to take responsibility for their actions. We want to see justice happen. I have never had the thought that I want to ruin someone's life or I purposely want to hurt them. I don't wake up and think I am going to see if I can hurt this person today, make them feel unsafe in their life, or see if I can get them fired. Maybe because I have been on the receiving end of someone's revenge, but I don't see what it accomplishes. I still think you have to deal with the reason that you feel you need to exact that revenge on them. Why do you want to hurt them so much? It doesn't make you a better person or make you feel good. It can't possibly. It can't give you peace simply because it isn't the Lord's way. He extends mercy to those that hurt him and he expects us to do the same. This can be so hard to do, to not react to it, to turn the other cheek if you will, but it is the better and the more Christlike thing to do. I always try to think that way even if I am not perfect at it. Sometimes I will admit I want the justice over mercy. I once heard a quote that says:
"In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior." I hope that I can always try to be a person who rises up over revenge and doesn't let it consume me because it seems to be poison to the soul and I for one don't need that. I don't share these thoughts to upset anyone, that is never my intention, but to simply express them since it is something that I have been thinking about the last few days. We have all heard the term "Revenge is sweet" but I say it's bitter and will only leave a bitter taste behind when it is exacted.


Sunday, October 16, 2011

Power of Music

Anyone who knows me knows that I love music. Music is my therapy. There are days when I am feeling emotions that I just can't describe and I will hear a song and it will express exactly what I am feeling. I love all kinds of music. A few weeks ago, our ward had our Primary Program and serving as the Primary President, I always stress that everything is going to go well for the program. This year I wasn't stressed by it and when all my Primary kids sang the "Army of Helaman" song, it brought tears to my eyes. The Spirit speaks loudly through music. On 9/11 this year, I was deeply touched by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir's rendition of "Amazing Grace" during the Music and the Spoken Word program. I was again brought to tears. But music doesn't just make me cry or feel the spirit. It brings a lot of other emotions out. I feel hope, courage, love, strength, remorse, sadness, and so many other feelings when I listen to music. I know a lot of my friends tease me for going to as many concerts as I do, but live music for me is the best way to feel those emotions. Too many of us keep our emotions inside and never express them. I think this can be destructive to our spirits and unhealthy in our relationships. It is so important to allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you need to and music helps me to feel those things. I love all kinds of music for this very reason. Different kinds of music allows me to feel different kinds of emotions. I believe that there is a power in music not just for the person playing or singing the song, but for those of us who just enjoy listening to it as well. So I ask the question, what kind of music do you like and how does it make you feel?
Many people will ask what music I am listening to lately so here is a small look inside some of the songs on my iPod:
1. BON JOVI- Many wonder why I love this group so much. It  is a long story, but let's just say many of their songs are about hope and overcoming things and they make me happy. A few of my favorites: "Born to be My Baby", "Superman Tonight", "In These Arms", "You Want to Make a Memory", and "It's My Life". I could go on and on and on :)
2. Adele- I love her entire new CD but "Someone Like You" and "Set Fire to the Rain" are my favorites.
3. Daughtry- Love all of their songs but really digging the new one "Crawlin' Back to You"
4.  David Cook- Love him! Been listening to his new CD to get ready for his concert that I am going to this week in Boise with my friend, Steph. Favorites: "Fade into Me", "The Last Goodbye", "4 Letter Word", and "Let Me Fall For You".
5. Lady Antebellum- "Hello World" and "As You Turn Away"
6. Lifehouse- "Broken", "Had Enough" and "Everything".
7. Matt Nathanson- "Kiss Quick" and "Run"
8. Neil Diamond- "Sweet Caroline", "I Am I Said", and "You Don't Bring Me Flowers".
9. P!nk- Love em all!
10. Taylor Swift- "Back To December" and "Ours"
11. The Script- "Nothing" and "First Time"
12. Kelly Clarkson- "Mr. Know It All"
13. Gavin DeGraw- "Not Over You"
14. Maroon 5- "Moves Like Jagger"
15. The Civil Wars- "Poison and Wine"
16. Breaking Benjamin- "Breath"
17. LMFAO- "Sexy and I Know It"
18. Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood- "Remind Me"
19. Evanescence- "Lost In Paradise"
20. Brandon Flowers- "Crossfire"

What's playing in your iPod?

Monday, October 3, 2011

The EX Factor

Tonight as I was watching the show Dancing with the Stars, I noticed Courtney Cox there watching her ex David Arquette. She was cheering him on and looking super supportive. It got me thinking about people like Bruce and Demi and other famous celebrities who are able to be friends with their ex's. Is this just a celebrity thing or do I just hear more about them? Maybe it is because they have children together? So it begs the question in my mind, Are people able to be friend's with their ex's?? For me, this is a hard one. I can only think of one former relationship that I have had in which I was able to remain friends with the person. However, the friendship, due to our past relationship, has had some rocky moments and much like our relationship was has been on and off again and again. I recall an experience back in college when I tried to remain friends with a guy I dated. I think the problem was that I still had feelings for him so when he asked for my address to send me something, I was deeply excited to see what he was sending me. It came a few days later in the form of a wedding invitation. I was crushed. I forced myself to go to the reception because that is what friend's do. I hated it the whole time. It didn't help that his grandma, who I adored, told me it should be me marrying him. Shortly after that awkward moment, he came over totally clueless and in my mind at the time heartless, and asked me to dance. I declined and needless to say we never spoke again after that. I can think of countless experiences like this one in which people try to be friends with those they have been in a relationship with and either there is too many hurt feelings, too much trust broken, or one is most certainly still in love with the other thus making it impossible to "just be friends".
I haven't done this very well in my life even though there are many I would have liked to have been friends with. It's just too hard for me. I am too sensitive and literally wear my heart on my sleeve. When I fall for them, I fall completely giving the relationship absolutely everything I can. When it doesn't work out, I am left hurt and usually with lots of "more than friends" feelings for that person. I just think it is hard to dial a relationship back when it has been at that high of a level. I know people do it though.
Like I said, I have been able to maintain one friendship out of a former relationship and I think he gets to take all the credit for that. He has put up with a lot of emotions from me and yet has chosen to still be a part of my life. There are moments when he will laugh or say something and feel that ping in my chest, but then it passes and I am glad that we can try and be friends. It's a work in progress I guess. I assume many people work at it for the sake of their children. While others, it just seems to come so naturally. I wonder how many of you have been able to maintain a friendship with an ex and how you did it? Is it really possible in some situations?

Sunday, October 2, 2011


I have never believed in people being psychic per se. I do believe in personal revelation, gut instinct, and spiritual promptings. These feelings have led me a lot in my life. There have been many instances where I trusted those feelings and I have been right in doing so, whether I wanted to be or not. Having said that, I had a different kind of encounter on Friday though. I went to see a patient of mine for just a routine visit. We talked about her disease, her concerns, and how she has come to accept the dying process, etc. Normal visit stuff. Then all of a sudden, she started to tell me things about myself that I really do not know how she would know them. I don't talk about any personal things with my patients. I am there to talk about them, not me. She started off by telling me I might think she is crazy, but she has a gift of sorts. She told me of the first time she remembered meeting me and how she was going into my visit with a "chip on her shoulder" because of the negative thoughts of what a "social worker" is. She thought I was going to be there to judge her, correct her, and do therapy with her to try and "fix" her. She said that all changed though when I walked in the room. She said my aura was so "bright". The brightest she has ever seen. She said she knew right away she could trust me and that I was a good person. That made be feel good. But, then she proceeded to tell me that I had been hurt before, and not just a little hurt. She said she knew I had been hurt so deeply in my life that it changed part of who I am and how I think. She then proceeded to tell me all about the person who hurt me, how I feel about them, and how this person feels about me. She then began to mention things I haven't ever told anyone. I sat there shocked not sure what to say. Most of what she said was true for the most part, although I have a hard time believing what she said about how the person who hurt me feels about me now. I was amazed at the things she knew and the nice things that she said about me and yet I am left wondering how on earth she knew all that she did. Even how I feel inside which no one but me knows. I am not sure what to think about the whole experience. I have never had any kind of experience like this and it has left me wondering and pondering. Do I believe in psychics now? Not really, but I do believe people and experiences are put in our path of life for a reason. We either have something to learn from them or they from us. I find it interesting and thought I would share my thoughts about it. I am curious if  anyone else has ever had something similiar happen to them? Or what they think about my experience? Please share your thoughts with me.