Kindness

This was a video I showed my Primary kids on Sunday. The lesson was about how good friends help us to choose the right. It suggested we tell this story to them. I found the video and thought it was much better than I could have told it. I have been thinking about it a lot ever since. Sometimes we do things or say things to try and be funny, not knowing completely what challenges someone might already have and what kind of potential damage we might do by hurting them. Sometimes if we feel we have been wronged, our first response is to react or retaliate. To hide their shoes. How often do I "hide someone's shoes" rather than show kindess and charity? I know that this is something I must work on. I am not where I need to be. I just want to say that I am grateful for all of those friends that have that put "silver dollars" in my shoes on many occasions and have helped me through tough times. I hope I can do a better job of giving you silver dollars. I also hope that I can do a better job of giving out silver dollars to those who hide my shoes as well. It is easy to be kind to others who are kind to us but so much harder to be kind to someone who is hurtful or mean to us. I am grateful to my Primary children for the lessons they teach me and the examples they show of how to give out silver dollars in every situation. I hope I can be better at this. 

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Summer Recap

 I know I have been a slacker about blogging this summer. It just seems that I have been busy doing so many different things that I haven't had much time to blog. Here is a recap of what my summer has been like so far in photos:

Saw a bear in Island Park finally.

 Celebrated my dad's birthday and father's day.



 He bought himself another four wheeler for a present to himself. Now we have 5 for Island Park :)

 Spent some time with my favorite girl watching the Disney Channel on Grandma and Grandpa's bed.

 I sure love snuggling with her.



 Went to some of Kendyl's t-ball games.

 This boy likes Kendyl and kept teasing her. She threw grass on him :)

 Watched some of Andre's baseball games.

 He's a great pitcher and catcher.

 He even made the All-Star game.

Love that kid!

 Had a fun evening with two of my favorite people. My cousins and friends, Natalie and Katie. We grew up across the street from each other and always played together with my sister too. Natalie's hubby is in the military so they move a lot. She came to visit Utah in between their move from DC to Hawaii. Yes, she moved to Hawaii. Which gives me a great reason to go see her :). Anyway, we had a delicious meal at Le Nonne and then went shopping. I forget how much fun we have together. We seriously need to do it more often. Perhaps in Hawaii :).

 Natalie and I lived together for three of our college years too. So we have a lot of hilarious stories that are the same. Makes for lots of laughing.

Was busy training for a 5K I ran with my friend Brooke who is a rockstar and runs marathons for fun. I don't even think she broke a sweat. We ran the Logan River trail a lot to get ready for it. She even stop some people from stealing from someone else on the trail.

 Running is hard for me because of my asthma, but this 5K was for a good cause (fundraiser for cancer) so I pushed myself.

The boys came to visit which is always a special treat. We spent the week of the 4th of July with them up at the cabin. They are growing up so fast. I am glad we get to see them. I need to make more trips to St.George to visit them! Here are some photos from our trip to Island Park on the 4th.

 This is a cake I made for us to celebrate. Austin helped me decorate it and he was so proud of it. He insisted I get a picture of him with it. Love this kid and he is so creative and artistic.

 

 Our cake. It was an almond cake and it was delish!

 Even though McCrae towers over me, he is still only 14, but Grandpa told him to move my car up a little. Glad he didn't crash it and I don't think I am ready for him to be driving.

 One of the many pretty rides my dad took us on through the trees. I swear he knows every road and trail up there.

 Me and the boys :)

 Always striking a pose :)

 We watched a beautiful sunset while we waited for the fireworks.

 That is Sawtelle Peak behind us.

 Austin kept telling me to take more pictures so I have tons of the fireworks. Here are just a few of my favorites.

 The next morning we went for another ride and literally ran right into this fella. He didn't seem to mind us staring at him for a bit.

 We got back from the ride and had lunch. We wore my dad out so much that he fell asleep in the chair still holding his fork from lunch :)

 A place we have been going to ever since we have been to Island Park. We call it the swimming hole.

 The moose wanted to go for a swim too.

 They actually look like they like each other in this one.

 With the grandparents on the last night there.

The only bear I got close to on this trip :).

It was fun and I am glad I could be up there with my family. Love them so much!

Participated in the Relay for Life fundraiser with Team Fish Fight. Had fun walking for a good cause and was inspired by so many people and their strength. Also loved doing some zumba with my good friend Steph while we walked. Next year, I want to pledge to walk for 24 miles. Kinda scary, but I believe I can do it :).

Now you know why I haven't had any time to blog. Just been too busy, but I will try and do better. Hope everyone continues to enjoy their summer!

Also, Happy Pioneer Day! I am grateful for all those who sacrificed for their beliefs and their faith. God bless them and those who continue to sacrifice for their faith even now.



Tragedy

 This is a post that I have purposely been waiting to write. I have needed to take some time to process it all before writing about it. On Monday May 21, I heard the terrible news that a friend and former co-worker had died on Sunday. The shock was just unbelievable. How does someone healthy and in the prime of their life die so suddenly? No one at work could believe it and as the details began to emerge on how she died and the fact that she took her own life, it became even more unbelievable. I have known Leslie since I started working in Homecare. She has always been a positive spirit, a natural caregiver, and a true nurturer. How does she get to that point where that choice is the only option? What tragedy!

This brought out a lot of feelings in me because I have been there to that lowest point, to the darkest of days in which you can't see any light. Without getting too personal, I am just not ready yet to talk about certain things. I have been there to that brink. I would pray to never wake up and that my life could be over. The pain was too much to bear and the hole in my heart too big to ever feel like it could heal. The only way I pulled myself out of that darkness was my family and the thought of how I would hurt them if I ended my own life. How selfish I would be. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think Leslie was selfish. I think she was just in so much pain and suffered so much from her depression that she felt it was the only way. Leslie died of a disease just like those who might die of cancer. Something she had that no one could see externally, but was just as painful.

It is hard to imagine how I didn't know she was hurting so much. Leslie worked for our company in Logan for a long time before transferring down to the Salt Lake office in order to take care of her parents. She took care of her step father until he died and then remained a caregiver to her mother who had Alzheimer's. Leslie had no human children, but she had her babies- her dogs, cats, and all of the animals she loved and cared for. She was always caregiving and taking care of others as a nurse, daughter, wife, mother, friend. I owe the fact that I have my sweet Peaches to Leslie. She is the one who found her for me and insisted a dog would help heal my broken heart. She talked me into getting her and for that I will always be grateful to her because she was right. She loved belly dancing and was really good at it. She loved being a nurse and helping others especially at the end of their life. She was the kind of nurse that would sit for hours with a patient when they were close to dying simply because she didn't want them to be or feel alone when they took their last breath. She always went the extra mile. She loved people and animals. I often think about the last time we spoke. We would chat on facebook every so often and I chatted with her just a few weeks before she died.

I try to replay that conversation in my head and why as a social worker, I didn't notice better that she was struggling and needed help. I still feel a lot of guilt about it wondering if there is something I could have said or done to make a difference. I just hope she knows what a great friend she will always be and will forgive me one day of not helping her more.

 I do recognize that many people hide their sadness and Leslie would have been like that. She wanted everyone to be happy and would always speak positively. She didn't want to bring anyone down. She wanted to uplift. Sometimes when the pain is so much, we mask it and hide it and portray that upbeat person so that others won't worry. At least that is what I did for a long time and what I imagine Leslie did. Sadness and pain are so deeply internal no one else can ever possibly understand what we are feeling when we feel it. They can imagine, but they can never know it fully. Just as we can never fully know how they feel. I found this description of depression/ despair that I truly believe describes it as best as it can be explained:

My only hope and prayer now is that Leslie is free from this pain, this sadness, this depression, and this despair and that she is truly happy and at peace. I am lucky I pulled out of it before tragedy in my own life struck. I will forever be grateful to Leslie and those like her who have shown me what true caring and nurturing is. I miss her and love her. She will never be forgotten and will always be in my heart...

Kendyl's Dance Recital

I know it has been awhile since I blogged. I apologize for that. It has been a really busy month or so. It seems I am rarely home and when I am, then I am busy with other things. I will try to do a little better. On May 22, my sweet niece Kendyl had her dance recital. She has always loved dancing. I am not kidding, I think she came out of the womb dancing. I found some video footage just the other day of her as a baby barely able to stand, but shaking her booty. She just loves it and is a natural at it. Since my sister's family moved back to Tremonton this last year, this was Kendyl's first year dancing with the VaDel's Dance Studio. She has really enjoyed it and her teachers totally love her. They think she has some serious talent and even want her to start thinking about doing a solo. She is only five! I really enjoyed going and was glad I could see her in action. It was a long night though. First, the gym at the high school doesn't have air conditioning and it was too warm in there. Second, wow it was a long recital, I am talking almost four hours long. That is too long for me, but the kids didn't seem to mind. We could see Kendyl on the sidelines while other groups were performing singing all of the words to the songs. She is such a ham and I love her so much. Here are some photos and video of the evening.

She is totally Grandpa's girl and has him wrapped around her finger. Being the only granddaughter for him means, she pretty much gets whatever she wants :)

The lighting wasn't the greatest in some of these pictures and some are a little blurry, but hopefully you can see how adorable she is.

Ready for the glow in the dark black and white finale!

This is video of their Jazz/hip hop number "Dynamite". I think she stole the show personally.

One of her cheers for her cheer class. She looks so cute in the cheerleader outfit :)

Good job Kendyl! Hopefully next year won't be quite as long :)